A Wreck

I don’t feel like I’m living the victorious Christian life right now. It’s been a bit rough lately.

I won’t go through litany of details to try to prove my point in some online pity party. And my guess is that you’ve got it worse than me in many regards. I walk with people, sit with them in coffee shops, receive their emails—it’s rough out there.

Cars, jobs, funerals, suicides, depression, family, DHS, divorce, blackouts, sleepless nights, forced moves, missed payments, visits to the emergency room…

In the midst of my first world problems (no hot water!) and my privilege, my heart is heavy. I’m saddened by the negativity against people, the criticism—that I have in my heart. I’m undone by the Pharisaical rules all around—that I’ve put up and try to maintain. I’m laid low by the lack of discipline for all the good things God has given—me. I’m grieving the relationships not built or maintained—by my busyness, anxiety or separation.

Contentment feels elusive. Will I ever ever get there?

Jesus, help me out this Eastertide.

Melt the clouds of sin and sadness, Drive the dark of doubt away

Give of immortal gladness, Fill us with the light of day! 

– Henry Van Dyke