Every Hour

photo (4) copy 6 am – the alarm goes off…snooze…ugh. Gotta get up. Make breakfast. Lunches. “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” from the other room. Diaper to change. Dress the little people. Shower. Face the day. I’m already running late and I haven’t yet opened my eyes.

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart
You’re the One that guides my heart*

8:30 am – Class begins. Eighteen teenagers… two and a half hours to explain my class and lecture on the remote history of a foreign land. I am distracted… unfocused. How to engage them? How to meet them where they are and remember there are eighteen souls, eighteen individual stories being written right in front of me? Oh, and also cram some history, literature, and theology into their heads?

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

11:30 am – In a waiting room outside a heart cath-lab. I prayed for my dad all the way over here in the car. But still I want to run and scream and doubt God. The numbers are bad. What will God do in the face of such hard evidence? I steel myself for a divine “NO.”

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
And where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

12:00 pm – Two older ladies in the waiting room receive bad news. One of them weeps into her hands as the other puts her arm across suffering shoulders and offers comfort. What do I do? Cry inside. Pray for them. Keep my distance. After all, this is obviously an intensely personal moment. Sickness is cruel and sloppy. I have to keep it together now for when this is me in moments, hours, or years.

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

1:15 pm – The doctor gives us good news. I am stunned. When will I learn to trust Him? I had convinced myself it would be bad, so bad. But… this. God’s grace.

Teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

7 pm – I sit at home, watching my children laugh and play. My husband is patient with my dazed unbelief. The sheer bounty of God’s mercy overwhelms me. All undeserved. I will spend my life trying to process His goodness to me. I cannot fathom it.

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

11 pm – I lie in bed and close my eyes. Yet again I will fall asleep at the foot of the throne, whispering over and over… thank You.

You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You.

*Lord, I Need You, by Matt Maher

alison