If you know me well, you know I am the harder on myself than I would ever be with anyone else. Because of this, I think, re-think, and over analyze most, if not all of my relationships. Surprisingly, this even creeps into my relationship with God. I will sabotage the good God has given me by not accepting it. How can God truly work through me if I don’t believe I deserve it?
Take a Chill Pill Stefanie! This is a thought I’ve had to myself so many times. It is something you normally say to someone whom you are annoyed or arguing with, but for me it is a reminder to be still, to be quiet in my mind so that God can work through me. If I can’t stop thinking about my own problems, my own worries, and my own failures then I simply cannot live a selfless life.
Even in what seems to be good thoughts, active thoughts in trying to change myself for the better because I want to be more aware of my actions, which yes is important, is still in some form wrapped up in selfish thought. There is a difference in praying for God to change my heart which naturally will change my character and me selfishly wanted to be perfect, to be good enough, and to be liked.
This is a daily struggle for me. I will talk to someone and walk away with many reasons why they do not like me based on our conversation. To me, this is my selfishness in its purist form. I could spend that time thankful for the conversation I just had, the possible new friendship, and yet I spend it thinking about myself. I make my insecurities a reality by owning those fears and thoughts as facts about how people see me.
Thing is, no one is perfect, God does not expect me to be perfect, and he certainly knows I am not. That fact, in and of itself should bring peace to every believer. God does not want me to strive for perfection but rather, humbleness and love through him so that people are drawn to him, not to me.